A few weeks back, before we migrated this blog to a new site, I wrote an entry on Ben Roethlisberger called, “It’s not illegal to be a jerk.” http://ahaberman35.livejournal.com/13617.html. The premise was as simple as the title. In short, you may find Big Ben’s behavior in Georgia repulsive but it’s quite a long leap from there to rapist. I did not defend Ben’s actions, which are indefensible but I did defend his right not to have his livelihood taken away from him based solely on unsubstantiated allegations.
In the end, Ben is a football player, not a teacher, rabbi, or baby sitter. His behavior would disqualify him from those positions. It does not disqualify him from throwing passes in the NFL.
If Ben had been charged with rape, I would feel categorically different on this issue. If the authorities had said something that indicated a crime was committed but they could not prove it (likely in “read between the lines” fashion), I would have felt different. They did not. What they said, or at least my interpretation of it was, the guy acted like an ignorant jerk but we just do not have any evidence that a crime was committed.
Based on that, I have defended only Ben’s right to continue as quarterback of the Pittsburgh Steelers. I freely admit I would not have offered a similar defense for Kordell O’Donnell-Maddox. The simple reason is that none of those guys were hall of fame caliber quarterbacks. I’m not ashamed to admit that my belief in keeping Big Ben has a lot to do with how important he is to the success of the Steelers. And since he was not charged with any crime, no matter how much the media wants to infer otherwise, I’m somewhat comfortable with that.
At least I think I am.
It’s sad that I’m probably one of Ben’s most staunch defenders and the best I can offer is, “it’s not illegal to be a jerk.” When the best thing people can say about your actions is that no crime was committed, that’s not a good thing. Let’s be honest, there are a lot of people who feel far more strongly than I do that Ben should be playing somewhere else next season (or not playing at all).
And make no mistake, if he does not get his act together that’s exactly what will happen. If you want an apt comparison to Ben right now I suggest Bob Knight when he was put on double secret probation at Indiana. The administration made it clear that one more public incident and he was out the door. They used the term “zero tolerance policy.” Knight was so moved by this that he promptly went out of his way to attack a student on campus for the heinous crime of calling him Knight rather than Coach Knight (I guess I should be more careful how I address him).
You would have thought that clearly stating to COACH Knight that you will lose the job you’ve had and loved for 30 years would drive home the message that a behavioral change was required. And you would be wrong. Even after clear rules of conduct were communicated along with clear and dire consequences, the coach who demanded absolute obedience from his players violated them (I could pen an entire blog on what a hypocrite Bob Knight is but that would be off target).
So Indiana fired him. And what did Bob Knight learn from this? Absolutely nothing. He blasted the administration on the way out the door and then continued his poor behavior after Texas Tech enabled him with another job. My guess is he still blames the Indiana administration to this day and has never considered that his actions over three decades were inappropriate.
My fear is that Big Ben is another Bob Knight. Completely ingrained in a pattern of bad behavior, enabled by his talent, his celebrity and his importance to his team, and with no intention of changing, regardless of the consequences. There is a pattern of behavior that supports my premise but nothing supports it more than Ben’s supposed statement of apology on Monday.
I’ve been saying for weeks that the first step to Ben’s recovery in Pittsburgh is a very public, very sincere and very contrite apology. This is not just about words or accepting responsibility. This is about understanding and communicating that his behavior, his actions, and how he treats people is just unacceptable. Big Ben is slowly alienating Steeler nation. He is making himself a target of scorn by both fans and media. He is setting himself up to be jeered by his own fans and ripped apart by those who cover him. Maybe he really does not care about this but why go down that road?
Steeler fans are a forgiving bunch. In all likelihood, their forgiveness can be purchased at a cost of one additional Lombardi trophy. That being said, they will never truly accept and love him again unless he speaks clearly an apology and commitment to making changes in his life.
Raise your hand if you feel his three paragraph statement, issued in print through the Steelers get’s that done.
I fear that right now Ben is doing exactly what Bob Knight did. Rather then learning from his experience he’s just blaming others. Blaming the girl, blaming the media, blaming the NFL for a series of events that lead to his suspension, which he probably feels is unjust. I fear that he’s sitting at home thinking, “I’m one of the top 5 QBs in the NFL. If Pittsburgh does not want me, somebody else will. I do not need to change who I am.” And sadly, he’d be right.
Of course I have no way of knowing for sure that this is Ben’s mind set. Maybe I’m wrong and he genuinely understands the gravity of his actions. Or maybe I’m right and he’s just doing the bare minimum to shorten and get beyond his suspension. I simply do not know. All I can do, along with every other member of Steeler nation, is make inferences from Ben’s public statements. And his WRITTEN statements have been wholeheartedly unimpressive.
I’m a big believer that actions speak far louder than words. Nothing angers me more than the belief that you can get away with anything based on just an apology. That has become the nature of our culture, especially for celebrities. An apology means nothing if it does not come with a sincere effort to change the offending, or in Ben’s case offensive behavior.
That being said, it’s a critical starting point, especially for a man whose reputation and status with his fan base has been shattered. Remember, I’m one of his biggest defenders and I’ve gone from arguing with the world that’s he’s as good as Peyton Manning to accepting I will likely never put on my #7 jersey again. Most of the fan base feels the same way. They want something from Ben to show he get’s it. They want some kind of belief that he is not a monster, just a young man who let fame and fortunate go to his head.
Sadly, nearly two months after he was first accused in Georgia, he’s given us next to nothing.
You can argue that he has no obligation to any of us and I will not disagree. If he wants to just be known as a great player who is also a jerk, I guess that’s up to him. Rest assured if that’s the case he will never get his just due in the national football league. Media members have a funny way of telling a player’s story through the prism of their own emotions. I’ve been wondering for a long-time why Ben got so little respect for his great play and now I’m starting to get it. If you are in the media would you rather prop up Peyton Manning and Drew Brees or a guy who treats you like crap?
I’ve wondered the same thing about Ben for several years. Why is it that a player who has been elite almost from the day he entered the NFL has never gotten the respect he truly deserves? I think I’ve heard enough over the last 12 months to get my answer. I saw it with Tom Barrasso and I saw it with Sammy Sosa in Chicago. When the media gets an opportunity to hang a guy they do not like, they take it. Clearly Ben does not understand that.
This is not just about the media and it’s not just about Ben’s reputation. I guess ultimately it’s up to him to deal with that. It’s about two things that are far more significant:
1) Ben is now on zero tolerance probation with the Steelers. He’s one more big fall away from being an ex-Steeler QB. And after waiting a quarter century for an elite QB in the Burgh, I’m simply not anxious to see the start of the Dennis Dixon era.
2) I do not want to spend emotional capital as a fan rooting for a guy that’s completely unlikable. As I said after both accusations against Ben, I do not want him to be found not guilty; I want him to have NOT DONE THIS. I want to believe the QB I support is not a horrible monster. I’m willing to extend Ben a life line right now that he is not a criminal; just a misguiding young man who put himself in really bad situations. At this point I’m just barely able to do so. I do not think my support of him will survive another incident.
So again, I keep hoping for a sign that Ben get’s all this. I keep hoping that he understands not just the desperate need to change his ways but also to let us all know he is committed to doing so. I keep hoping that he’s not just a complete jerk, totally unwilling to accept anything less than a full sense of entitlement to whatever he wants. I’m hoping…
Sadly, to this point, Big Ben has given me little else to go on.
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