The More Things Change...

…The more things stay the same.

One week ago, Penguin fans were contemplating an unfathomable match-up for the Eastern Conference championship. Let’s see; who do we root for, the Washington F’n Crapitals or the Eastern Pennsylvania Orange and Black Goon Squad? Can you say spontaneous labor stoppage? And while we are debating such matters, do you prefer a colonoscopy or a prostate exam?

Instead, in a shocking (or perhaps not so shocking) turn of events the Craps have been swept and the Goons are at death's door. Instead of an impossible choice in the Eastern Conference finals, we are 48 hours away from assessing the wreckage of two more lost seasons.

On the positive side, Bruce Boudreau will have infinite opportunities to go for ice cream at 9:00am. Unemployment has a liberating effect on one’s personal calendar.

Washington spent most of the season rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic. They attempted a delusional reincarnation as a defensive style team. Apparently it’s easier to ask soft, one dimensional offensive players to trap than it is to admit they are perennial post season chokers. On the ridiculous meter, this rivals Lou Piniella selling Cubs management that his team’s five phase post season choke could be cured merely by adding Milton Bradley.

After all those cosmetic changes the result was the same; a post season flame out. The Craps as per usual collapsed once the games started to matter. Or at least when they mattered against a credible post season opponent.

Speaking of credible, we have the Philadelphia Professional Hockey Club which continues its three decade quest to win a Stanley Cup IN SPITE OF its goaltending.

Just when we think the goaltending in Philly can’t get any worse, they find a way to deal it down. Martin Biron and Antero Nittymaki are not bad enough? Let’s bring in Brian Boucher and Michael Leighton. Miraculously overcome this until Leighton implodes in the Stanley Cup finals? By all means try it again; and toss in an over his head rookie to up the ante.

I honestly can not stand the Goon Squad and even I’m angry at the joke that is their goaltending. It’s an affront to everything I believe in; to my personal hockey truth. The only thing more amazing than entrusting a legitimate Stanley Cup favorite to these three stiffs is that they actually won a series. Against Ryan Miller no less. And somehow Lindy Ruff got a contract extension?

The Goons however have finally hit the crappy goaltending wall. Boston is too talented, too focused, and too much better between the pipes to blow another 3 games to none lead. And Philly is not going to repeat least year’s miracle comeback against any opponent when their starting goaltender is an even money bet to get hooked in the first 40 minutes.

Seriously, is anybody else tired of watching Boucher’s stick breaking, equipment throwing tantrums every other game? Hey Brian, here’s a thought…STOP THE FREAKIN PUCK. In fairness, there is a reason Boucher is giving up so many ridiculously soft goals this post season; HE’S NOT GOOD. That’s why his NHL passport has been stamped by half the league, as a BACK-UP goalie. And the saddest part is he truly might be Philly’s best net minder.

For goodness sakes, Mike Milbury referred to Philly’s goaltending debacle as “an organizational failure.” MIKE FREAKIN MILBURY! What next, Rashard Mendenhall tweeting about...ok, never mind.

I frequently lament the Osgood-ification of the NHL. This is the ridiculous syndrome, promulgated first by the all powerful Scotty Bowman in Detroit that allows for teams to have so much talent and depth amongst their 18 skaters that they can essentially win without a goaltender. Philly has taken this to a whole different level.

Whatever you think of Osgood, and personally I think he’s an above average goaltender in a perfect situation, he’s about five times better than any Philly goaltender since I graduated high school. I will shed zero tears for my least favorite team’s latest post season flop. It is however in a broader sense a hockey travesty that a team with so much talent and depth allows itself to be annually sabotaged by ECHL caliber goaltending.

Seriously, how many years in a row does this have to happen before somebody at the FU Center gets a clue? How many years will they throw big money at redundant talents like Andrej Mezaros and Kris Versteeg; while dishing out bargain basement wages to the three stooges in net? Is there a minimum basic skills test to be an NHL general manager a la Joe Clark in "Lean on Me"?

As for the first runner up for my hockey disdain, the carnage is likely to be a lot worse. Philly, at least in theory, can address their primary issue. They have more than enough marketable depth to trade for somebody who can actually stop a 30 foot wrist shot in the post season. The solution is not so simple in Washington.

The easy thing to do after an embarrassing sweep against Tampa is to throw Boudreau under the bus and make him the scapegoat for the Craps' latest melt down. Accepting the obvious comic relief this would provide, it is effectively a band aid for a broken organization. The problems are much greater in scope and relate primarily to Ovie’s minions.

I can only assess so much blame to the Haagen Dazs clown when he’s saddled with three supposed star players who disappear every spring. My favorite quote of the playoffs came after (yet another) botched defensive play by Mike Green; the Versus announcer clarified that defensive situations are not Green’s strength. That does not exactly qualify as breaking news but if forces me to ponder exactly what he is good at? After all, Green has not scored a meaningful post season goal since junior high school.

A few weeks back I stated that I was not sold on the Craps' new “defensive style” but “at least Semin and Green would have excuses for not scoring in the post season.” That statement was in error; but only by omission since I forgot to include Nicklas Backstrom. Hate on Alex Ovechkin all you want but understand he is the one and only player in red, white, and blue that consistently scores in the postseason. Go figure his refusal to pass the puck late in game three. Would you pass to Semin or Backstrom with your season on the line?

Ovechkin figures to take some heat for Washington’s latest collapse. He’s supposed to be a championship caliber superstar and thus is hardly immune to criticism. In all fairness, I doubt Sid the Kid could drag the collection of big game stiffs masquerading as Ovechkin’s supporting cast past the second round. Seriously, these guys make the playoff Sedins look like Gretzky and Lemieux.

That’s not to absolve Boudreau from responsibility from his team’s latest failure. My personal opinion, validated in part by four enlightening episodes of 24/7 is that Boudreau is way over his head coaching a team with legitimate Stanley Cup aspirations. He panics at the slightest sign of trouble (see Theodore, Jose). He whines incessantly about every questionable call against his choking team (quote of the WEAK, “I’m not whining, I’m just explaining”). Worst of all, he makes rash decisions like turning a talented offensive juggernaut in to New Jersey Devils south.

Seriously, if the Craps were going to run out the neutral zone trap, should they not have hired Jacque Lemaire? Or at least Guy Boucher? Instead, Boudreau converted his existing team with a few cosmetic changes to a style they are not equipped to play and he is not equipped to coach. Calling Dave Wannstedt…Mr. Dave Wannstedt.

It will be interesting to see if Sweaty Teddy’s patience finally runs out. My guess is it will. The last two years were bad enough but this failure, after a full scale re-engineering of the team’s style is probably the last straw. My guess is management is at the end of its rope with Boudreau’s F’bomb tirades and the deaf ears they fall on. The players should go first but good luck finding trade partners for $7 Million post season chokers who are signed through 2045.

That mean’s Boudreau could ultimately bare the full responsibility for this failure while the invisible men return for another playoff run. It will be left to BB’s replacement to get water from a stone (or stones).

Peter Laviolette figures to survive in Philly. He should not expect much improvement if his general manager continues a three decade tradition of going blue light special between the pipes.  One presumes the salary cap will start to claw away at Philly's depth as well.

In other words, the more things change…the more things stay the same.

The Goaltending Universe in Chaos

About six weeks ago, I contemplated the cataclysmic consequences to the hockey universe if Michael Leighton and Brian Boucher combined to lead Philly to the Stanley Cup.

The idea of a championship team, built around rotating third string goaltenders was contradictory to everything I believe in as a hockey fan and a human being. I think I was NEARLY as concerned about Leighton’s lack of pedigree as I was about the Orange and Black uniform he was wearing.

When Leighton responded by giving up two horrendous goals in game 6 of the finals; along with being pulled from two other starts; I felt my beliefs vindicated and my fears vanquished. My goaltender centric view of the universe was blissfully in tact and all was well.

At least I thought it was.

I’ve spent the better part of a month watching NHL clubs systematically destroy the notion of goaltending relevance. Teams desperately in need of goaltending have refused to address it. Teams with goaltending won’t pay to keep it. And those teams that have bitten the bullet to sign goaltenders have done so at blue light special prices.

All this while New Jersey blows up the salary cap and threatens collective bargaining armageddon to sign Sammy Sosa on skates, aka, Ilya Kovalchuk. Please explain to me why a one dimensionAL winger with one playoff victory in 8 years (that’s one GAME, not one SERIES), is worth $100 Million but a goaltender who drags an entire franchise kicking and screaming into the 3rd round is worth Chris Kunitz?

Just one man’s opinion but I think there would be a lot less offseason angst in Pittsburgh and Pittsburgh South (aka, Washington D.C.), if Montreal had stuck with Carey Price during last year’s playoffs.

Seriously, what the heck is going on out there? So much goaltending lunacy, I don’t know where to start…but I’ll try.

· In case I was being too subtle above; Jaroslav Halak carries Montreal to the conference finals, and then gets traded for a bag of pucks, six rolls of tape and a case of Molson. Montreal said it was too expensive to sign him. This from the team that TRADED FOR Scott Gomez at $7 Million per year or more properly stated, at $500,000 per goal. Who do you think had more influence on Montreal pulling two of the biggest playoff upsets in NHL history? How many playoff games, let alone series, do you think Gomez has won in his career? I’ll start the bidding at one…anyone?

· Cary Price is handed back the starting job after Halak ripped it away from him. That’s the same Price who famously explained why he shot the puck at celebrating Craps players in the playoffs by saying “you’ve gotta let them know you’re out there.” As a Montreal writer said later, (paraphrasing), “how about letting them know you are out there by stopping the darn puck!” If I were a Canadian season ticket holder, I’d vomit on the order form and send it back without a check. On the bright side, the only way the Pens see Michael Cammalleri in the 2011 playoffs is if he’s between the benches for TSN.

· The Orange and Black Goon Squad, after once again providing an internationally televised documentary on how bad goaltending can stop an otherwise cup worthy team, refused to spend $1 to upgrade the position. Welcome back for year two, Michael Leighton and Brian Boucher (assuming the immortal Ray Emery does not get healthy). Do you think Bernie Parent ever breaks down into sobbing fits watching his old team? Apparently losing the Stanley Cup on a wrist shot through the five hole…from an 8 degree angle, was still not enough to convince the Goons to pony up for a decent netminder. Of course there was plenty of money available for more defensemen. Maybe Andrej Meszaros can play goal?

· Jose Theodore and Marty Turco remain unemployed. Ok, forget I mentioned that.

· The San Jose Sharks cut ties with the NHL’s overall wins leader for the last four years and replace him with Antero Nittymaki. I’ll concede that Nabokov was shaky enough in the playoffs to move on without him, especially given his salary demands. That being said… ANTERO NITTYMAKI? The sushi goalie? The guy who was not good enough for Philly? The guy who could not beat out Martin Biron and Mike Smith? What, Jarmo Myllys was not available? In the meantime, the Sharks continue to pay over $7 Million per season to habitual playoff choker Joe Thornton.

· Sweaty Teddy and the Craps are set to hit the season with Varlamov and Michal Neuvirth in goal. Apparently three straight first round flameouts are not enough to get Ovie and his minions a reliable number one. To their credit, the Craps did finally rid themselves of Theodore. And with Nittymaki off the market, there were no more second rate veterans for Leonsis to overpay and Bruce Boudreau to pull after one playoff start.

· The Boston Bruins are doing everything short of a yard sale to give away the Vezina Trophy winner from two years ago…and nobody wants him. I guess that means more creepy Tim Thomas commercials on the NHL network…in a Bruin’s uniform.

· The Chicago Blackhawks win the Stanley Cup and two months later have not offered more than cheese wiz to the goaltender who took them to the title. Yes I admit to a distinct Emily influence here and yes the Hawks salary cap situation is an apocalyptic debacAL. Still, you can rest assured that Antti Niemi was a huge reason the Hawks won the Cup last year. Since the Hawks plan to banish Cristobal Huet back to France, not signing Niemi would likely signal the start of the Corey Crawford/Hannu Toivonen era. If that happens, rest assured Mayor Daley will not have to pony up for another parade in 2011.

· Chris Mason, who may have been the best goaltender on the market, signed a two year deal for $3.7 Million, with Atlanta. I guess Philly could not risk losing Matt Walker to take a chance on a better goalie? Mason dragged St. Louis kicking and screaming into the playoffs two years ago and for that got paid one half Kunitz. How many playoff games, let alone series do you think Kunitz has won in his career? Keep in mind that Mason was unemployed because St’ Louis traded two ECHL prospects to Montreal for the goalie who carried the Habs kicking and screaming into the conference finals so the Habs could start Cary Price who…oh never mind.

· The Ottawa Senators are going to start another year with Brian Elliott and Pascal Leclaire in goal. Seriously, I would take Big Mike and Disque over that pair. Somewhere out there Tim Chevaldae is contemplating a comeback.

· An admittedly minor contingent of moronic Penguin fans continue to blast Marc-Andre Fleury as overrated and overpaid. I guess it’s because Fleury has only lead the Pens to the finals twice in the last three years; or perhaps because he’s crossed the mythical Chris Kunitz salary barrier. I guess stopping two future hall of famers from point blank range, on the road, in game 7’s is not worth what is used to be.

· Nikolai Khabibulin continues to draw a seven figure NHL paycheck…for three more years while Niemi does not have a contract. And eventually, somebody will sign Theodore as well.

I guess this is reason number 137 that I will never be an NHL general manager. Almost every year I see how critical goaltending is to playoff success and yet the current GM’s continue to devalue it. It used to be just the Goons, Craps, and Dead Wings. Now it’s spreading like as if Filoni was the GM of every NHL team!

Yes, there is price to pay for Chris Osgood winning two Stanley Cups. It’s just enough justification for the Bob Clarkes and Paul Holmgrens of the world to keep pushing their theories about how you don’t really need goaltending to win. As if I really needed another reason to hate the Dead Wings and the Goons? Throw in spend crazy GMs looking to save a few bucks against the cap and here we are.

Maybe I need to make a pilgrimage to Quebec and worship at the alter of Francois Allaire (praying of course from the butterfly stance). Or maybe the NHL just needs to get a grip on reality, hopefully after Fleury wins the next Conn Smyth trophy. Either way, the goaltending universe is upside down, and I’m not happy about it.

Goaltending Wins Championships…Right?

“In life, as in hockey, you are only as good as your goaltender” (Adam Haberman…frequently).

I have two nightmares that pop into my brain from time to time. The first is that it’s the end of a semester in graduate school and I have not gone to glass or studied a lick. Finals are coming and I do not have the faintest clue about the course material. The second is that Michael Leighton is a starting goaltender in the Stanley Cup finals.

When I wake from the first nightmare, I feel an immediate and overwhelming sense of “it’s only a dream” relief. As to the second…apparently I still have not woken up.

There are few things in life I believe in more definitively than the importance of goaltending in hockey. I’ve said for years that it is one of the few absolutes in sports…you just can not win a Stanley Cup without great goaltending.

I’ve used this unwavering belief in my staunch defense of Marc-Andre Fleury from his persistent legion of moronic critics. Somehow, in their minds, Fleury managed to lead his team to back to back Stanley Cup finals while being the worst Penguin goaltender since Peter Skudra.

I’ve pointed out that teams do not win 30 playoff games in two years in spite of their goaltending. I’ve noted that I have decades of history on my side. That includes what I’ve frequently referred to as a quarter century case study on how goaltending can torpedo a franchise, commissioned by the Eastern Pennsylvania Orange and Black Goon Squad. In algebraic terms, goaltending is the constant in my hockey equation.

So if it’s not bad enough that the Penguins missed out on this year’s finals; here comes the Goon Squad to make it worse. I’ve been mocking them all year for somehow managing to deal down their goaltending from the immortal Martin Biron and Antero Nittymaki combination. For reference, that’s the same Biron who could not land a starting job anywhere in the NHL after leaving Philly and the same Nittymaki who can’t beat out Mike Smith in Tampa. That’s comparable to having a worse haircut than Scott Hartnell.

And yet the Goons somehow managed to do it. First they put their faith in Ray Emery who is as bad as Biron but less reliable. Then they trotted out Brian Boucher whose career reminds me of those fluke golfers that win the masters once and get a lifetime exemption to play into their 90s. And if all that was not enough, they turned their net over to the great Leighton. Yes, that’s the same Leighton who Carolina deemed inadequate as their third string goaltender. Apparently they were not overly impressed by his 103 NHL appearances since 2003-04.

So now I wake to the continuing nightmare; to a world where a team can get to the Stanley Cup finals while rotating third string goaltenders. Suddenly I don’t know what to make of things. It’s like the bizarro world on Seinfeld. Up is down, black is white, Feldman is Kramer. Everything I believed about life and sports is suddenly in turmoil.

Think about Fleury’s brilliant, game saving robbery of Lidstrom at the end of game 7 last year. Are we really ready to replace that picture in our minds…with Michael Leighton?

For the record, a person of non Chicago perspective might feel compelled to include Hawks goaltender Antti Niemi in the above complaint. I will not do so for two reasons. First, I would like to be able to sleep in my own bed in the near future and that’s unlikely to occur if I formally criticize Niemi in this blog. My wife is without question his biggest fan and to be quite clear, she was championing his play back in the dark days of the Huet in Chicago. If that seems like a conflict of interest to you than feel free to have the NHL revoke my press pass.

Second, it would be inaccurate. If you go back to his first start in October, a shutout in his native Finland, Niemi has been strong all season for the Hawks. Niemi is inexperienced but so was Cam Ward a few years back and we know how that ended. There is a big difference between inexperienced and having a decade long track record of mediocrity as is the case with Leighton and Brian Boucher.

If you fall back on the tired, lazy idea that the Blackhawks carry Niemi please contact the San Jose Sharks or Vancouver Canucks and ask why their supposedly superior goaltenders are golfing right now. Or call Stan Bowman and ask why Huet and his $6 Billion contract are glued to the end of the Hawks bench.

That being said, even I will admit that this is not exactly Roy and Brodeur matching up in the 2001 finals.

Which brings up the question, am I wrong? Have I been living a lie my entire life? Is goaltending not really that important? Can great teams just carry pedestrian goaltenders along for the ride (as the Fleury bashers would have us believe?). Will Michael Leighton be the end of my goaltender centric view of the universe?

The answer is emphatically no !

Here is a summary of the starting goaltenders who have won the Stanly Cup over the last 35 NHL seasons (from left to right):

Ken Dryden (4); Billy Smith (4); Grant Fuhr (4) Patrick Roy (4); Martin Brodeur (3); Bernie Parent (2);

Tom Barrasso (2); Mike Vernon (2); Chris Osgood (2); Ed Belfour (1); Dominik Hasek (1); Mike Richter (1); Nikolai Khabibulin (1) J.S. Giguere (1);

Marc-Andre Fleury (1) Cam Ward (1); Bill Ranford (1);

The first six goaltenders on that list are either in the hall of fame or sure fire first ballot inductees (Brodeur). These six gentlemen are responsible for 21 of those 35 cups (70%).

The next eight from Barrasso to Giguere have all produced elite numbers during their 10 plus year careers (even Osgood, much as it pains me to admit it). Hasek and Belfour are hall of fame gimmes and any of Barrasso, Richter, Vernon and Osgood could one day join them (for better or for worse on the last two). Regardless, this group adds 11 cups to the list.

The remaining three cups were won by two elite young goaltenders (Fleury and Ward) and a solid veteran goaltender (Ranford).

Think about that. Over the last 35 years the worst goaltender to win the Stanley Cup is Bill Ranford. And Ranford won 240 games in the NHL so let’s be clear he’s not Sebastian Caron.

It gets better. The 18 goaltenders above also lost in the Stanley Cup finals 12 times during that period. That means these elite goaltenders have taken 47 of the 70 slots in the finals over 35 years (just over 2/3rd of the total). In fact, if you go back to the start of the Islander dynasty in 1979-80, the only Leighton like goaltenders to even make the finals were…

Don Beaupre/Gilles Meloche Richard Brodeur, Jon Casey
Ray Emery Kelly Hurdey Arturs Irbe

I might even throw in the Hextall/Snow combo for Philly in 1997, only because Hextall was clearly past his goonish, cheap shot, stick swinging, cross checking prime by that point. Still, Hextall was once considered an elite goaltender back in the days when he was chasing Rob Brown around the rink (acknowledging this makes my stomach churn). He did win the Conn Smythe as the losing goalie against Edmonton in 1987.

Truth be told, in a fascinating bit of coincidental irony, the only goaltender on the list above who truly compares with Leighton is Emery; the guy Philly started the season with. You could also argue that Casey was closer to being a back-up than a starter as well (although he was fairly decent until Mario Lemieux single handedly destroyed his career). The others were all solid NHL goaltenders, just not superstars.

So take a deep breath folks and relax. Leighton does not represent a sign of the apocalypse nor a colossAL shifting of the sports universe. He is what sports experts refer to as, a fluke. We all remember that Trent Dilfer and Brad Johnson won Super Bowls. Let’s not forget that Rex Grossman and David Woodley lost Super Bowls. That’s probably closer to what we are dealing with here.

Keep in mind that Leighton and Boucher have split the work. Keep in mind that they played three low scoring teams in NJ, Boston, and Montreal in the first three rounds. Now that they are facing a team with some serious firepower, they’ve allowed 21 goals in 5 games and Leighton has been hooked twice. I don’t think Roy, Brodeur or Hasek are losing sleep over their place in history.

Since the end of game 4, I’ve been wresting with the possibilities of both a Stanley Cup parade on Broad Street and the end to my cult like beliefs regarding goaltending. I’ll rely on the Blackhaws to solve issue number one, hopefully on Wednesday night.

As for issue number 2, regardless of how things turn out I’ll sleep well knowing I have 35 years of precedents to back my beliefs. One way or another my nightmare will end with my convictions undaunted that in life as in hockey you really are only as good as your goaltender.