The Goaltending Universe in Chaos

About six weeks ago, I contemplated the cataclysmic consequences to the hockey universe if Michael Leighton and Brian Boucher combined to lead Philly to the Stanley Cup.

The idea of a championship team, built around rotating third string goaltenders was contradictory to everything I believe in as a hockey fan and a human being. I think I was NEARLY as concerned about Leighton’s lack of pedigree as I was about the Orange and Black uniform he was wearing.

When Leighton responded by giving up two horrendous goals in game 6 of the finals; along with being pulled from two other starts; I felt my beliefs vindicated and my fears vanquished. My goaltender centric view of the universe was blissfully in tact and all was well.

At least I thought it was.

I’ve spent the better part of a month watching NHL clubs systematically destroy the notion of goaltending relevance. Teams desperately in need of goaltending have refused to address it. Teams with goaltending won’t pay to keep it. And those teams that have bitten the bullet to sign goaltenders have done so at blue light special prices.

All this while New Jersey blows up the salary cap and threatens collective bargaining armageddon to sign Sammy Sosa on skates, aka, Ilya Kovalchuk. Please explain to me why a one dimensionAL winger with one playoff victory in 8 years (that’s one GAME, not one SERIES), is worth $100 Million but a goaltender who drags an entire franchise kicking and screaming into the 3rd round is worth Chris Kunitz?

Just one man’s opinion but I think there would be a lot less offseason angst in Pittsburgh and Pittsburgh South (aka, Washington D.C.), if Montreal had stuck with Carey Price during last year’s playoffs.

Seriously, what the heck is going on out there? So much goaltending lunacy, I don’t know where to start…but I’ll try.

· In case I was being too subtle above; Jaroslav Halak carries Montreal to the conference finals, and then gets traded for a bag of pucks, six rolls of tape and a case of Molson. Montreal said it was too expensive to sign him. This from the team that TRADED FOR Scott Gomez at $7 Million per year or more properly stated, at $500,000 per goal. Who do you think had more influence on Montreal pulling two of the biggest playoff upsets in NHL history? How many playoff games, let alone series, do you think Gomez has won in his career? I’ll start the bidding at one…anyone?

· Cary Price is handed back the starting job after Halak ripped it away from him. That’s the same Price who famously explained why he shot the puck at celebrating Craps players in the playoffs by saying “you’ve gotta let them know you’re out there.” As a Montreal writer said later, (paraphrasing), “how about letting them know you are out there by stopping the darn puck!” If I were a Canadian season ticket holder, I’d vomit on the order form and send it back without a check. On the bright side, the only way the Pens see Michael Cammalleri in the 2011 playoffs is if he’s between the benches for TSN.

· The Orange and Black Goon Squad, after once again providing an internationally televised documentary on how bad goaltending can stop an otherwise cup worthy team, refused to spend $1 to upgrade the position. Welcome back for year two, Michael Leighton and Brian Boucher (assuming the immortal Ray Emery does not get healthy). Do you think Bernie Parent ever breaks down into sobbing fits watching his old team? Apparently losing the Stanley Cup on a wrist shot through the five hole…from an 8 degree angle, was still not enough to convince the Goons to pony up for a decent netminder. Of course there was plenty of money available for more defensemen. Maybe Andrej Meszaros can play goal?

· Jose Theodore and Marty Turco remain unemployed. Ok, forget I mentioned that.

· The San Jose Sharks cut ties with the NHL’s overall wins leader for the last four years and replace him with Antero Nittymaki. I’ll concede that Nabokov was shaky enough in the playoffs to move on without him, especially given his salary demands. That being said… ANTERO NITTYMAKI? The sushi goalie? The guy who was not good enough for Philly? The guy who could not beat out Martin Biron and Mike Smith? What, Jarmo Myllys was not available? In the meantime, the Sharks continue to pay over $7 Million per season to habitual playoff choker Joe Thornton.

· Sweaty Teddy and the Craps are set to hit the season with Varlamov and Michal Neuvirth in goal. Apparently three straight first round flameouts are not enough to get Ovie and his minions a reliable number one. To their credit, the Craps did finally rid themselves of Theodore. And with Nittymaki off the market, there were no more second rate veterans for Leonsis to overpay and Bruce Boudreau to pull after one playoff start.

· The Boston Bruins are doing everything short of a yard sale to give away the Vezina Trophy winner from two years ago…and nobody wants him. I guess that means more creepy Tim Thomas commercials on the NHL network…in a Bruin’s uniform.

· The Chicago Blackhawks win the Stanley Cup and two months later have not offered more than cheese wiz to the goaltender who took them to the title. Yes I admit to a distinct Emily influence here and yes the Hawks salary cap situation is an apocalyptic debacAL. Still, you can rest assured that Antti Niemi was a huge reason the Hawks won the Cup last year. Since the Hawks plan to banish Cristobal Huet back to France, not signing Niemi would likely signal the start of the Corey Crawford/Hannu Toivonen era. If that happens, rest assured Mayor Daley will not have to pony up for another parade in 2011.

· Chris Mason, who may have been the best goaltender on the market, signed a two year deal for $3.7 Million, with Atlanta. I guess Philly could not risk losing Matt Walker to take a chance on a better goalie? Mason dragged St. Louis kicking and screaming into the playoffs two years ago and for that got paid one half Kunitz. How many playoff games, let alone series do you think Kunitz has won in his career? Keep in mind that Mason was unemployed because St’ Louis traded two ECHL prospects to Montreal for the goalie who carried the Habs kicking and screaming into the conference finals so the Habs could start Cary Price who…oh never mind.

· The Ottawa Senators are going to start another year with Brian Elliott and Pascal Leclaire in goal. Seriously, I would take Big Mike and Disque over that pair. Somewhere out there Tim Chevaldae is contemplating a comeback.

· An admittedly minor contingent of moronic Penguin fans continue to blast Marc-Andre Fleury as overrated and overpaid. I guess it’s because Fleury has only lead the Pens to the finals twice in the last three years; or perhaps because he’s crossed the mythical Chris Kunitz salary barrier. I guess stopping two future hall of famers from point blank range, on the road, in game 7’s is not worth what is used to be.

· Nikolai Khabibulin continues to draw a seven figure NHL paycheck…for three more years while Niemi does not have a contract. And eventually, somebody will sign Theodore as well.

I guess this is reason number 137 that I will never be an NHL general manager. Almost every year I see how critical goaltending is to playoff success and yet the current GM’s continue to devalue it. It used to be just the Goons, Craps, and Dead Wings. Now it’s spreading like as if Filoni was the GM of every NHL team!

Yes, there is price to pay for Chris Osgood winning two Stanley Cups. It’s just enough justification for the Bob Clarkes and Paul Holmgrens of the world to keep pushing their theories about how you don’t really need goaltending to win. As if I really needed another reason to hate the Dead Wings and the Goons? Throw in spend crazy GMs looking to save a few bucks against the cap and here we are.

Maybe I need to make a pilgrimage to Quebec and worship at the alter of Francois Allaire (praying of course from the butterfly stance). Or maybe the NHL just needs to get a grip on reality, hopefully after Fleury wins the next Conn Smyth trophy. Either way, the goaltending universe is upside down, and I’m not happy about it.