From Bad to "Worse" at PSU

Back in November, when the Jerry Sandusky scandal reached its most feverish boiling point, it strained credibility to believe things could get much worse for Penn State. Not when the university, its football program, and its beloved head coach were dead center of perhaps the greatest firestorm in the history of sports.

I knew then that things actually could get worse and expressed as much in this blog. That said, I would be lying if I claimed to have true foresight in to the details of “worse.” It was merely an abstract concept that I allowed myself, primarily as an emotional defense mechanism, to consider if not fully understand.

Well now it’s officially worse.  Much worse.

Over the last 8 months, 60 years of Penn State history has been figuratively obliterated. This morning, the last 14 years of Penn State history were officially obliterated. The scandal is so horrific that the NCAA deemed it insufficient to merely crush the future of Penn State football. They had to rewrite history and annihilate the past as well.

How ironic is it that so many believe Joe Paterno’s actions, or inactions (and those of his co-conspirators) regarding this scandal were motivated primarily to save his pristine legacy. And now that legacy is irrevocably shattered, along with our faith in the man and what he purported to represent. A man who’s passing in January many of us mourned as if he were a beloved member of our family.

The NCAA sanctions are devastating to Penn State’s football program. It very well may set it back a decade or more. Between the official sanctions and the public backlash against the school and program; it’s hard to imagine any football player worth his salt wanting to suit up at Beaver Stadium in the near future.

And just so we are clear on this, I’m fine with that. This is an unprecedented scandal in North American sports and the punishment needs to fit the severity of the crime. Quite frankly, when you consider what our leaders are accused of Penn State got off easy.

A small group of men charged with defending the integrity of our university, have instead been on some level, the instrument of its destruction. That's not to say Penn State as an institution of higher learning is dead. It will ultimately survive in some way, shape, or form. It will simply never be the same. Those men, through their willful ignorance and callous indifference of horrific crimes against children have destroyed something that meant so much too so many.

It’s easy to argue that Penn State University has no business fielding a football team this year. Quite frankly, I’ve come to believe that would be the best course of action, no matter the collateral damage. If you dread the daily public and media scourging of our beloved Alma matter happening right now, imagine what’s going to happen when Bill O’Brien’s boys take the field for what is unquestionably a meaningless season in September.

So no, I will not dispute or complain about the sanctions, they are what they are.  That does not make this any less painful, any less devastating.  The sanctions at this point are more symbolic to the Penn State community; they represent the apex of a scandal the depths and consequences of which we never dared imagine.

I've rarely felt so painfully numb in my entire life.

Understand that for me this has nothing to do with the future of Penn State football. I will be the first to admit that over the last few years, the Nittany Lions have fallen to a lower rung on my sports agenda. There are numerous reasons for this, the details of which are irrelevant to this blog.

For me, it’s far more about the past. It’s about the systematic destruction of our history; a history that binds so many of us together. It’s about taking something that was a tremendous source of pride in our lives and turning it to a nationwide source of scorn and ridicule. It’s about my hesitating every time somebody asks me where I went to college, a question I once answered with unwavering pride. It’s about learning that even a grown adult of nearly 40 years can still have his faith in others shattered.

More than that, it’s about a betrayal of trust and confidence that on some level I don’t think any of us will ever get over.

Penn State fans have been myopically accused by faceless critics of cult-like worship of Joe Paterno. I categorically reject that assertion, at least for the majority. We simply wanted to believe in an ideal, in a better way and the person we thought embodied it. No matter that it’s a national punch line today, we truly believed in “success with honor.”

We believed this in combination with our deep seeded love for the school and for the experience that so many of us rightfully claim as the best four years of our lives.

We took the greatest emotional risk there is in life; we vested ourselves in another human being. And we did so purely on faith given that most of us never truly knew this man we committed so much of ourselves to.

That is why the removal of the Paterno statue is so painful. It represents final tangible act crystalizing the magnitude of this betrayal; just as the vacating of his past victories reflects the symbolic death of his legacy. I would hope those outside the community could forgive us if after 45 collective years we’ve struggled to come fully to grips with the categorical reimaging of his legacy and persona in 10 days?

But we are not the victims here, not even close. It seems hollow to keep repeating this but it must be said; the children are the only true victims. They and only they deserve your thoughts, prayers and support. We are merely collateral damage; of which there is plenty more to come. Our pain is real; but it pales in comparison to the children that were physically and emotionally assaulted.

If anything, this horrific betrayal has allowed me some modicum of perspective on how Sandusky’s victims must feel. If it’s this painful for us; when the ultimate costs are purely intangible; imagine their horror. Imagine what it must be like as a young child to have a trusted adult authority figure betray your confidence and quite literally steal your innocence. Imagine the emotional agony of learning years later that others could have prevented it and choose not to.

On second thought, don’t.

Make no mistake, our lives will go on. Regardless of how we feel today this will ultimately be just be a sad part of our past; something to mourn and move beyond. Will Jerry Sandusky’s victims ever truly get beyond what happened to them? Could even the best of us forgive a betrayal of that magnitude?

No matter how devastated we are today, we must never forget that.

We can’t change the past but we can affect the future. We can make sure that something like this never happens again. We can demand unwavering vigilance from our new leaders; we can require that they protect that which is most sacred in this world. Most assuredly that is not the Penn State football team.

We can accept that as much as we would prefer otherwise, Penn State University has taught us another invaluable lesson in life. It has reminded us with stunning clarity what is truly important in this world.

In the long run we can rise beyond this and show the world what the Penn State way really is. It’s about hundreds of thousands of people living and doing right every day; not about five people who failed miserably in their obligations to protect.

In the short-term, the entire Penn State community wears the scarlet letter from the unspeakable crimes of a pedophile and the failures of his enablers. That means enduring the non-stop barrage of criticism; some wholly justified; some nothing more than sanctimonious blood lust. It means getting up every day fearing the next unimaginable element. It means, impossible as it is to fathom, that things may very well get even worse.