Rest in Peace

The Penn State community once again finds itself united; united in profound sorrow and despair.

A ten week surreal nightmare, the likes of which we dared never imagine has dealt its cruelest blow yet. The untimely death of the man we affectionately call JoePa, Coach Joseph Vincent Paterno.

The doctors say he died of lung cancer and clinically speaking that’s likely true. And yet most who truly knew him believe he died of a broken heart. The exact reasons for that heartbreak are now between Paterno and his creator and I will not debate them in this blog.

Ten weeks ago we mourned a spiritual death; the death of Paterno’s legacy. Today we mourn his actual passing. Both seemed indestructible; a rare constant in an ever changing universe, before November 10th, 2011.

Let me start with this; if you believe that Paterno engaged in a carefully orchestrated cover-up of sexual assault against children you should probably stop reading this column. If that truly is your belief than you likely are unwilling to see beyond it; notwithstanding a lack of any facts to collaborate that position. As the great Walter Payton said upon announcing his terminal illness, “For those who will say what they are going to say, may G-d have mercy on your soul.”

If you believe that Paterno was a good and decent person; a man who spent six decades trying to do right and likely made one horribly flawed decision than by all means read on. If you believe that good people can make terrible mistakes when put in situations beyond their comprehension, you may understand my grief and that of hundreds of thousands of proud Penn Staters.

Excepting a five second, passing conversation in 1991, I never met Joe Paterno. And yet I mourn for him as I would a member of my own family. The emotions are real and undeniable. And I assure you I’m not alone.

As former Nittany Lion Adam Taliferro so eloquently stated yesterday, Penn State has lost its heart. Joe Paterno was quite simply the heart and soul of our community. And with his death, our hearts are truly broken. There will never be another Paterno or anyone like him. There will never be another relationship like the one between Paterno and Penn State. I do not expect those outside of that relationship to understand it. I hope they have the decency to at least respect it.

I wrote this a few weeks back and it bears repeating. Penn State is a massive extended family. Our family has hundreds of thousands of members. It stretches across years and decades and thousands of miles. We are incredibly broad and diverse, different in so many ways. The one thing that binds us is an undying love of The Pennsylvania State University.

Understand this, whatever you may think of him right now, Joe Paterno was the patriarch of our family. He was quite literally the physical embodiment of this place we hold so sacred. His death is a death to our entire family. For that we mourn.

Some people cannot fathom Penn State football without Paterno. I cannot fathom Penn State University without him. As I sit here today I cannot believe he is gone any more than I can accept the callous indifference with which he was discarded. As his wife so simply and accurately stated, after 61 years he deserved better.

There is nothing more than I can add about the horrific scandal that ended his career and perhaps his life. It’s been analyzed, debated, and scrutinized. Questions have been asked and for the most part not answered. We may never know the whole truth. We may never truly know if Paterno enabled these horrific crimes or was served up as a sacrificial lamb to a blood thirsty public and media. As always the truth is likely somewhere in between.

History will ultimately pass judgment on the life of Joe Paterno. That history is still being written, for better or sadly for worse.

And it is irrelevant today.

Today we mourn the loss of a good man. Not a perfect man by any means but then he never claimed to be. I believe in my heart that this man tried to live a profoundly decent life. As I listen to the overwhelming tributes from virtually everyone who knew him, I am more and more convinced this is true.

We do not really know what he knew or did not know in 2002. And sadly now we may never know. We do not know what motivated his action or worse perhaps his inaction. All I can say is what I said last week; the idea that Joe Paterno willfully ignored the sexual abuse of children is in categorical opposition to the way he lived his entire life. I simply refuse to accept it without proof; not with this man’s track record.

If that makes me naïve or an enabler I will live with the charge. It is easy to rise upon a pedestal and pass sanctimonious judgments without facts. It is harder to open your heart, to try and truly understand. To ask the question of why virtually everyone whose life has been touched by this man so reveres and respects him. Perhaps because real life is complex; perhaps because the story is not so simple as many choose to believe.

I am remiss to use the word tragedy in the context of sports. Tragedy is about life and death; not about athletic competition. But it is absolutely a tragedy if a man who gave so much of himself to so many, is remembered first and foremost for crimes he neither perpetrated nor witnessed. It is a tragedy if this scandal, to whatever extent he is culpable caused his death. And you can add me to the long list of people who believe that is exactly what happened.

It just seems far too much a coincidence that such a strong and vibrant human being succumbed to death only ten weeks after his life was torn asunder. I cannot even fathom how painful it would be to devote your entire life to building something; a program, an image, and ideal, and then having it irrevocably destroyed in the span of four days. I know how devastating this has been for me; for all of us in the Penn State community. It terrifies me to think how painful this must have been for Paterno.

I understand that this scandal made his position untenable. That does not make it right that a man who spent 60 years of his life coaching, teaching, mentoring, and impacting young people was sacrificed to a blood thirsty public. Not when so many others bare as much or great burden in this terrible tragedy. Not when the ultimate villain in this horror appears less reviled publically than Paterno.

Unless and until somebody proves to me that Joe Paterno deliberately covered up sexual abuse of children I will stand behind this belief; a person with his track record deserves and in fact demands the presumption of innocence. At the very least he deserved his day in court, a day he now will never get.

If and when it is proven that he participated in an orchestrated cover-up of child sexual abuse, his legacy will be indefensible at any level. Until that happens, I will maintain that a good and decent human was taken down for a terrible mistake. I will never believe without proof otherwise that he acted with malice at the expense of innocent children, because his entire life stands for just the opposite.

I am truly saddened by the passing of this man whose influence was so profound for so many. And I am angry that I have to justify my emotions. That is the greatest tragedy here. If not for this scandal we would without hesitation celebrate his life while mourning his death. Instead we are forced to temper our emotions lest they be construed as empathizing with the abuse of children. For what seems the thousandth time, we all recognize the horror of what occurred here. The children are the only real victims of the scandal. At least until yesterday.

I hope that even Paterno’s staunchest critics will take a moment to mourn his passing. Even those who believe the worst of him in this situation must recognize who this man was and what he lived for. If you are so sure of his guilt that forgiveness is impossible, at least take a moment to grieve for his soul. He’s earned that much from all of us.

I hope the rest of us will grieve a remarkable yet simple man whose primarily goal in life seemed to be as simple as “make an impact.” He impacted more lives than most of us dare dream

Rest in peace coach Paterno. We will never see another like you.