Are We Ready to Forgive Big Ben?

The Pittsburgh Steelers are five days away from their third Super Bowl in six years. This is a truly remarkable accomplishment in sports and it should be the focus of the week.

Oh but if life were only that simple.

Sadly but predictably, there is a great deal of focus on Ben Roethlisberger this week. I admit I’m pleasantly surprised by the amount of accolades Ben is getting for his continued on field excellence. Alas those accolades are diluted through continuous reminders of his off the field issues. Roethlisberger’s superlative and gritty play seems to have finally swayed the football world to the reality that he is one of the elite quarterbacks in the game. And yet that reality is obscured in the shadows of what happened last spring.

Let’s be honest, this was inevitable.

In a rational world, Ben’s off the field behavior would be completely irrelevant. He is a football player; nothing more, nothing less. As long as he does his job every Sunday, it should not matter whether he spends his weekends in churches or VIP rooms.

Alas, we all know sports are not rational. And nothing is more irrational than Super Bowl week.

We as fans make an emotional commitment to our favorite athletes that is impossible to explain or justify. We feel as though we are personally vested in them. We don’t just want to cheer for them, we want to genuinely like them (or at least like our perception of them). And when they let us down, we feel truly betrayed. It’s irrational and illogical, but its reality.

To reiterate what I said back in April, I did not want Ben to be found not guilty. I wanted him to have not done what he was accused of doing. The Milledgeville district attorney’s not to press charges is enough for me to accept Ben the quarterback. It’s not enough for me to like him or be emotionally vested in him. I need to genuinely believe that he is not a monster before I can do that.

I noted the following last April in a blog entry entitled, “Big Ben at a Crossroads in the Burgh:”

It’s sad that I’m probably one of Ben’s most staunch defenders and the best I can offer is, “it’s not illegal to be a jerk.” When the best thing people can say about your actions is that no crime was committed, that’s not a good thing. Let’s be honest, there are a lot of people who feel far more strongly than I do that Ben should be playing somewhere else next season (or not playing at all). And make no mistake, if he does not get his act together that’s exactly what will happen

Steeler fans are a forgiving bunch. In all likelihood, their forgiveness can be purchased at a cost of one additional Lombardi trophy. That being said, they will never truly accept and love him again unless he clearly makes a commitment to change in his life.

When I wrote that, I had no idea that the Steelers would be on the precipice of their 7th Super Bowl title. I did not even know if Roethlisberger would be a Steeler on opening day. I admit I was just hoping that the team could stay afloat without him and maybe compete for a playoff spot. It’s a testament to their skill and character that they rose so far beyond that

And yet without suggesting any clairvoyance on my part, it’s amazing how much we are living out the situation I described nine months earlier.

I think most of Steeler Nation has “accepted” Ben back. Truth be told, I was more than ready to do that after living the Byron Dixonbatch experience for four games. That said, any doubt of his “acceptance” was likely erased seconds after Ben’s final completion to Antonio Brown against the Jets.

Alas there is a huge difference between accepting Ben and liking Ben. And that’s where the part about changing his life comes in to play. For Ben to regain his status as a beloved sports icon in the Burgh, he needed to demonstrate a complete commitment to changing his life and being a better person. In short, he needed to stop being an ignorant jerk.

A properly motivated person can effect such changes virtually instantaneously. It takes considerably longer for those around him to trust and believe in it. The worst case scenario for Steeler fans is to reinvest emotionally in Ben and then have him let us down with another ugly off the field incident.

Ben has zero “obligation” to seek our forgiveness. His only true “obligation” is to perform on Sundays, which he has always done to the highest level. That said, there are absolutely ramifications when players lose the trust of their fans.

Did you notice how quickly the city of Chicago turned on its supposed superstar QB Jay Cutler last weekend? Cutler compounded a poor performance in a big game with a questionable but very real injury. And for this he was blistered both by fellow NFL players and a Chicago fan base that has been desperately seeking a franchise QB for a quarter century.

And why did this happen? Because in two years in Chicago and five years in the NFL, most of the football world has come to believe that Cutler is a first class jerk. He has forced Bear fans in to the unenviable position of being emotionally vested in a person that they genuinely do not like. As a result he gets zero benefit of the doubt from those fans. If he performs to the expected level of stardom, they will grudgingly accept him. If he falls in the slightest, they will start the lynch mob to run him out of town.

Want a closer to home example? How about Jeff Reed? I noted in November that Reed was ultimately cut because he stopped making kicks. That said, his poor behavior, bad attitude, and lack of accountability cost him any benefit of the doubt with the Steelers or their fans. Both were more than happy to run him out of town.

So no, there was no “obligation” for Ben to seek or receive forgiveness from Steeler fans, but it’s truly in his best interest to do so. Otherwise, he would face the same wrath as Cutler and Reed the moment his on the field performance failed to live up to standard. You need only remember many of the fan reactions to Big Ben this summer to recognize that.

Which brings us back to the question, are we truly ready to forgive Big Ben? Yes we’ve accepted him back, but are we truly ready to embrace him again?

For me the answer is yes. And not just because Ben has lead us to another Super Bowl. I truly believe that he has grown and matured as a human being. I think we really are seeing a new Ben Roethlisberger. I know there significant skeptics but I’m not one of them. And here is why.

Often when a person is truly on the wrong path, they have to hit rock bottom before they turn things around. They need a genuine slap in the face before reality sets in. Big Ben got more than a slap, he got flat out punched; first by the accusations, then by the investigation and finally by his four game suspension. And he continues to endure daily slaps in the form of negative press and a steady public relations battering. I can’t even walk to work in Chicago without hearing Big Ben criticism on the street.

In short, Big Ben got a desperately needed wake up call.

What I’ve seen from Ben since then genuinely impresses me. I strongly believe that deeds overwhelm words so I’m happy to hear both teammates and media members saying that Ben is acting like a better person and better teammate. That said, I’ve been extremely impressed by his words. I hear a man who genuinely gets that he went off course and needs to change; not a man trying to placate the fans and media.

Maybe that makes me a fool. Maybe when you pull back the curtain it’s nothing more than a weak justification to enable my Super Bowl dreams. Maybe I’m no better than San Francisco fans who celebrated Barry Bonds’ home runs and blissfully ignored his steroid use.

Maybe, but I don’t think so.

The ultimate proof for me came when I pulled on my #7 jersey after a season of confinement to the top shelf of my closet. Sports are about emotion and there is nothing more emotional than pulling on a player’s jersey. It was telling that even as I supported Ben last summer, I could not bring myself to this simple act. It’s just as telling that I’m willing to do so now. That act comes from my heart; which more often than not is a better judge of character than my brain.

I’ve always believed in Ben Roethlisberger the football player. Slowly but surely I’m regaining my belief in him as a person. That to me is nearly as important as a 7th Lombardi trophy…although I’ll happily take both. I’m not sure we could have had the latter without the former anyway.

The message in all ways is I am ready to finally forgive Big Ben. Let’s hope he does not let me down…and I don’t mean this Sunday.